Wordless Wednesday -GHG-

Why telling me not to worry infuriates me!

I told a colleague of mine the other day how proud I was that V took her first steps. I also mentionned how releaved I was because it seemed to put her back on the normal motor development track.

Her response surprised and rather upset me. She said : "Well my daughter walked at 16 months and I never worried about it. She turned out great!" Keep in mind that this colleague knows all about our preemie escapade and how far V has come. While I appreciate that the feeling behind it was to encourage or reassure me, I always feel frustrated by comments like those.

Another fav of mine is (after discussing something that is particularly worrying me) : "Welcome to the parent club." Since, you know, worrying about how your child does in karate, if they get a date to prom or about them getting good grades in math is exactly the same thing as worrying about a central part of their development that could completely alter the entire rest of their life as well as yours... exactly the same thing!!

I was trying to wrap my brain around what exactly bothers me about the comments, why they annoy me so much and I think I have figured it out. They bother me because they minimize and completely undermine my feelings. Its as though them telling me not to worry is equivalent to telling me I have no reason to worry, that I am working myself up into a worry fit for absolutely no reason, that I must be crazy or something.

This realization then kind of made me wonder how many times I had done that. Offered false or empty reassurances... "Of course you'll pass your test"... "I'm sure you'll beat this, you're so strong"...

I guess my point is that when someone is telling you about either a legitimate worry of theirs or a triumph over some great difficulty, chances are that by telling them they have or had nothing to worry about in the first place will only make them feel crappy. I'm sure lots of other people have talked about this before, I guess I'm just realizing it now and feel its worthwhile to share! Validation and active listening in those cases would have been a lot better, for me anyway...

To get back to my colleague, I guess a great response would have been amazement and awe at my daughter's great accomplishment... but then again isn't that just always the best answer to moms bragging?!

xo
C

Steps at last... I think?

While I was at work this afternoon, our little V seems to have taken her first steps. She stepped (or tripped perhaps) from her Dada's arms to a chair. This is a distinct improvement from the insta crumble to the ground she had been doing up to now.

I'm of the opinion that all milestones are initially flukes, so here's to the biggest one yet! At just over fifteen months corrected and 28 days from her 18 months actual. Is it funny that she made it under the 18 month mark is a big deal for me? 

Extra sweet for us is the fact that today is our 9 year "dating anniversary".

Hoorah!!! 

Hihi this face though!!

Xoxo

-One proud Mama

Lovely Spring Walk

After a grueling winter and a scary flu/RSV season, we finally decided to pull out our good old BOB stroller (bought second hand because yowza full price is scary!) and went for a lively spring stroll!

Miss V seemed very unsure at first...

But quickly fell asleep as D and I chatted away. It was nice to get out of the house and enjoy some family time!

This summer is going to be great!!

Xo

C

Update on Weight

I was rereading some old posts (whats with the nostalgia?!)

It got me thinking about how long we have been struggling-obsessed-consumed by V's weight. Right from birth, at 910g. Actually, no, before that! We were following her projected weight via ultrasound weeks before she was even born.

I don't think this focusing on weight has done all that much good really. I mean, sure, it got use to enrich her milk, which seemed to have somewhat of an effect. But really, in the NICU, we would celebrate one days of 100g increase and then come crashing down the next when she gained only 10g. The truth probably was simply somewhere in between and she gained an average of 55g per day. And knowing versus not on a DAILY basis was more of a distraction than anything. In fact, our lactation consultant was telling us that they were soon going to stop weighing daily because they found that it discouraged moms from continuing breastfeeding... Its hard to march on with breastfeeding when you are obsessing about intake and there is no way but time at the breast to measure how much your baby is actually ingesting. *insert lots of arguments with Mr. D here about how effective my initial breastfeeding was* Legitimate concerns really, she was only 5th percentile and it really didn't look as though she was taking all that much in. In the end we stuck with it and I'm fairly certain there would not have been any weight difference either way.

Wordless Wednesday

My Preemie Pregnancy Story - part 1

This story has taken me much longer than expected to work up the courage to write down... I guess a part of me is still sad about having missed out on the expected "normal" third trimester and delivery.

Here goes:

My pregnancy started off great! A tiny bit of nausea, but nothing I couldn't live quite confortably with!

The very first ultrasound was great! Perfect size for predicted gestational age. We found out we were going to have a little girl and were super excited! Those were the best days of blissful ignorance of what was to come.

We went on to have another U/S at around 16 weeks. There they found that V had a persistent left vena cava. I've talked about that before here. Freak out, freak out and some more freak out... Little did I know this would actually turn out to be the least of our worries. Funny how that is... Looking back it really puts into perspective how sometimes what I make out to be the scariest thing is really nothing to worry about afterall.

Throw back Milestones

I was looking back at some posts and realized I never posted this one... Crazy how I'm less worried about that appointment, but still generally apprehensive about milestone! 

"A few weeks back we went to our first neurodevelopment appointment. Miss V was almost 7 weeks corrected age at the time. Before this appointment, I thought she was doing quite well, lots of smiles, some giggles, she seemed to be tracking and was starting to lift her head from side to side when she was doing her tummy time.

Turns out she was not doing so well. During the entire exam, the doctor and physio kept making remarks to each other that did not sound so great : "look at her left sided preference" or "hmmmm, she is startling a lot", etc.

I worry a lot about whether or not Miss V. will hit her milestones on time.

I'm not sure if it is because she was born at 29 weeks so has been around 11 weeks more than you average baby, but I'm starting to get impatient for her to start reaching various milestones. I realize she is only 8 weeks corrected age, but she has been around for such a long time, surely she should be sitting, or saying her first word or running a small business by now!! 

I wonder if this impatience is just me, typical to preemie parents or something everyone experiences... I've heard the first three months tend to be a blur, what with constant feeding, diaper changing, very little sleep, learning how to take care of your sweetheart. For us it has been a bit different, we had 77 days in the NICU and step down units to get to know our little lady, we developed our routine long before heading home! The fact that her feeding schedule was so regimented at the hospital (every three hours, on the hour) got Miss V. used to regular feeding I suppose; despite feeding her strictly on demand, she tends to feed quite regularly every three hours and a bit less at night. As such, we have been getting quite a reasonable amount of sleep! Which makes these weeks at home less of a sleepy blur."

I'm soooo glad they were wrong about the whole side preference business! Nice to see how far V's come!

Blurry, but I still love it!!

Getting into trouble again the sneaky girl!

Xo

C